“There is no such thing as permanence at all.
Everything is constantly changing.
Everything is in a flux.
Because you cannot face the impermanence
of all relationships, you invent sentiments, romance,
and dramatic emotions to give them certainty.
Therefore you are always in conflict.”
When a smile is lost in a relationship, you know that the bond is almost gone. Today, how easy it has become to deny an oath, which was once so bright, and was so convincingly simple to the heart.
Marriage is no more a solemn union. The essential purpose is lost. The mundane and the egoistic mind overpowers the transcendental resolution. So what is the purpose of marriage?
There is no more understanding of the purpose called marriage. It is now only a remedial procedure for many reasons. Some say that they needed to legalize their love, or to get financial security, or to have children.
Also, some had reasons like, they were told that they should get married so that they have a companion and would not have the feeling of loneliness. Others cited some situations which provoked them to take a decision to get married.
Can you demand love?
Love is not something to perform. You cannot perform love. Your perspective, your words, your actions are an expression of love and ideally, it happens unintentionally. People say you need to show love. But how can you show love?
Love happens and it flows. It’s like water, it cannot resist itself. It cannot stop where it gets obstructed. Rather, when it is obstructed, it overflows. Love is not something of the mind. It is a matter of the heart. The mind has many reasons. The heart has none.
Hence, marriage is a forum that can be used as an opportunity to portray the love that you have in your heart. It is very personal. Only you know about the joy of it.
Let not your mind interfere with the flow of love. Use your mind to dig out the wisdom to deal with matters. Because you have love in your heart, so you perform with wisdom.
The egoistic mind will try its best to resist you from listening to the heart. It has already become your habitual nature. However, once you can conquer it, you become a new person. People will start admiring you.
You unknowingly plunge yourself in a bumpy ride of life
The reasons based on the present-day concepts of marriage expose the unrealistic state of mind of people. While taking the decision to get married, there is no harmony between the two hearts. The purpose is aimless.
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The man is thinking something and the woman is dreaming of something else. There is no sole aim of the two, based on which life could be meaningful, fulfilling, growing, and maturing towards oneness with the principle of nature.
Marriage is new assignment
One needs to be very willing to accept the challenges of the new life. It is just like a new project. The mind has to be well trained and pre-qualified.
If your thoughts, words, and actions are not contributory to anyone, then it will be difficult for you to cope with untoward situations. A review of the self is very necessary.
Before entering into the vows of marriage, both the man and woman should sit and discuss with each other about their life after marriage –what are the challenges they may face and whether they are ready to handle them prudently.
Marriage takes place between two persons, but getting married is the initiation of a new family whose onus lies totally on both of them.
It should not be based on the reasons that you cannot live without the other; or that you have reached the age of marriage; or because you love the beautiful face, the body, and the voice; or you admire the person because he is so caring, or you need a companion, or someone promises you a good life.
Otherwise, these reasons are just enough to make you insane to ruin your life. Rather, it would be better that each one be aware of the fact that they are entering into a new venture which is totally unknown in every step. It is an opportunity to know oneself as a person.
It can be a reflection on ‘what are my limitations’, ‘how good am I at handling situations’, ‘do I have a good choice of words while communicating with others’, and many other reflections that you can think of.
On this earth, we are all dependent on each other, including nature.
But this does not mean that I expect the other to be like me. If our aim is to live in harmony, then we need to yield to an adverse situation too. This does not prove you to be weak.
Rather, with all your dignity and respect, you can deal with all unethical, unrighteous, and unvirtuous acts you face in the family.
Marriage means to bring out the virtues of man and woman
If you are a woman, then you need to be courageous enough to leave the pattern of the way you were living in your parent’s house.
Once you get married, you are confused because it doesn’t match with your thoughts. It doesn’t meet your expectations.
You start demanding because you thought it is the way and you have the authority to it and that it is your right to do so.
Your opinion doesn’t match, your priorities are different, and both become judgmental in attitude. Since the foundation of your marriage was on a dreamland, instead of yielding, you become resistant.
But maybe just a little ponder on the respective duties will unfold a different picture!
If you are a man, then you need to think about all possible means to cater to the newly wedded wife, so that she feels she is welcomed in the family. You need to treat her as a newborn.
She knows nothing about your daily way of living. Give her utmost respect which will help her to build a good foundation for the future.
To be mindful on the values of our culture and society
Although the standard of living has been upgraded so much, there has been a sharp degradation on marital relationships. We need to learn as well as unlearn the basics of life.
You need to practice self-discipline, propriety, choose words that are not unpleasant, and remain concerned over family members or matters. It is then that you gain such confidence to deal with matters with your inherent wisdom.
No matter how knowledgeable you are, but to overcome the battles in your journey you need a prudential mind to let go of matters which are not beneficial to you.
The relationship between husband and wife cannot be based on a casual willingness. It is of the great responsibility that one needs to shoulder.
Image of an Indian Hindu marriage ceremony where the bridegroom smears vermilion on the parting of the bride’s hair as mark of marriage. The bride, on her choice and suggestively wear the same throughout her life to respect the custom and for the ‘wellbeing’ of her husband (Image courtesy of Bindya-nair via Commons)
If one is not ready to execute one’s responsibility in the way it should be, it is better not to enter into such a relationship.
To build a harmonious society, it is essential to know that it stands on pillars of upright relationships. Do not escape from life, embrace the hurdles for one sole purpose –“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom,” as Aristotle put it.
It is an undeniable fact that marriage is a spiritual union of two hearts in one’s lifetime.
It involves sacrifice, understanding, heartbreak (for both the parties), realization, confusion, dilemma, and so on. But ultimately it is union. At least marriage is meant for the union.
“Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping,” Kahlil Gibran, (1883-1931) said in his famous work ‘The Prophet’ about the profoundness of Marriage.
“For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
(Cover image courtesy of Bindya-nair via Commons)
So, for you what is the purpose of marriage? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.