Anger is like a rejected gift, it belongs to you…
Gone are the days when families used to nurture and uphold amongst themselves virtues like dignity, respectfulness, tolerance, and benevolence.
Unlike the present day, the expression of intolerance in those days was an act of shamefulness. Today, intolerance has become a way of life and supposedly very normal.
Every household portrays the degradation of human relationships. The surge of intolerance level among family members clearly exposes the lost virtues, which once used to be the key to hold on to the family bonds.
One of the biggest causes that can usher relationship issues,in any form is anger. Ironically, science has its explanation of how this human attribute helps in thriving in the survival of the fittest.
But unfortunately, science is sometimes an imperfect measure to demonstrate human conditions. Eg. even if you find an excuse to be angry (on someone or something), it won’t recede the hurt you’ve already got.
Anger is psychological which trails down to human tragedy
Like breathing-in and breathing-out, anger has also become a very normal behavioral pattern. It’s not that people never used to get angry before, but was certainly a much less visible trait in humans.
However, the pattern adopted for venting out frustration, jealousy, greed, and envy in the form of anger has taken a peal on peoples’ health-related challenges, coupled with the downfall of interpersonal relationships.
Anger stems from a very simple issue. There was a want for something inside you, but someone objects you or blocks you from getting it.
The want was so conforming to the egoistic mental state that all possibilities of reasoning or the virtue of tolerance fail. It is not that you are under anybody’s control.
In fact, you are a captive of your own self-ego. You forget your true self and start behaving irrationally, putting the blame on the whole world except yourself.
Without Reasoning Life Is Futile
Few days back, I went to visit one of my friends. It so happened that her daughter wanted money from her so that she could pursue her studies in Nursing Training in a private institution.
The cost of the training was estimated around Rs 7 lakhs. However, my friend’s financial condition could not permit to afford such an amount and hence she suggested her daughter to pursue her studies under government academy, which was affordable for her.
The daughter somehow wanted to manage the money from her mother as she was provoked by her friends. On that particular day, when I was present in their house, the daughter came home and furiously asked her mother whether she would give the money or not – it was a challenge. My friend refused to go in her terms.
At that very moment, the daughter opened the cupboard and took out a new expensive saree, which was nicely packed and kept as a wedding gift for one of their relatives.
The daughter held the saree in her hand and in rage tore it in pieces in front of her mother. I was taken aback, and with a heavy heart came back home only to brood on the cause of such devastating expression of anger!
Be it tearing of a saree or killing your own kin, both stems from the same heart.
A study found anger can make someone more impulsive and blurs the mind’s ability to calculate the ill circumstances of the aftermath.
In this case, apart from the definite hurt to the mother, a good attire was ripped into pieces, which certainly could have been saved and used to look good!
Be Aware Of The Menacing Effect Of Intense Desire
Desire should not go to such extreme where it becomes a question of life and death.
The destructive feeling of not getting fulfilled of the desire, is an outcome of ignorance which human beings have ignored for decades.
It has become essentially important to dig out our wisdom, which is a storehouse of all tools and equipment to help us to handle all our inner and outer challenges most graciously and with dignity.
We are all the by-products of our thoughts. If we carefully analyze what went wrong with all our relationships in today’s society, we will see that no matter how much blame we put on others for our own fate, the fact remains unaltered that each individual responds and reacts according to the behavioral tendency inherent in that person.
We overlook the tendencies within ourselves and react on the superficial level without paying any attention to the consequences.
A video that shows the disastrous effect of anger
What good are we doing to Life! What is our future? What do we leave for our children to stand on?
Adults have already created their world based on their limited knowledge of the power of their true-self. The effect cannot be changed.
However, if adults at least become aware of the menace they have already done, then keeping in mind of the future generation, if they start developing good habits of talking, doing things appropriately, and practice the virtue of tolerance, then definitely we have something to talk about with our future generation.
Children loosely watch and pick up the images of the behavior of adults and imprint them in their minds.
Later, they expose the same attitudes and adults remain unaware that it is they who have planted the seeds of disrespectful, hatred, unforgiveness, jealousy, and intolerance in their thoughts, words, and actions.
Adults need to learn and train themselves exhaustively as far as acceptance, forgiveness, respect, and compassion, and reasoning ability is concerned. These are the fundamental traits that bind humanity.
The healing process starts the moment when we initiate a ‘no-anger treatment’ with our self. This must become a personal law in our life.
An Awakening Towards Anger
There is a need to understand that holding anger within us is letting ourselves to be stuck in the past, and if it is held for a long time it becomes resentment, which eventually causes to create illnesses like cancer and arthritis.
There is nothing wrong to get angry but one should know how to express it in a more healthy way.
It is not that you are always angry. It is in your belief system. Maybe there is something which you personally don’t like to see or hear.
It may have developed when you were a child; it may have come from your parents, your relatives, or neighbors, storybooks, and TV serials.
They have remained in your subconscious mind as disappointments and get triggered when conditions prevail. You will notice that there are some people in your life on whom you get angry.
You Can Make a Choice
Like many other choices in your life, you can also make a choice of not letting anger reside in your mind permanently.
On many occasions, you will find that there were matters which were actually not true. You heard something, absorbed it, and formed an image, and then you choose to get angry.
But, you also have the option of not letting yourself become angry. Why should you choose something in your life which is not beneficial at all, which affects your peace and wellbeing?
There Is A Buddha Story On Anger Which Is A Lesson For All
One day, the Buddha and a large following of monks and nuns were passing through a village.
The Buddha chose a large shade tree to sit beneath so the group could rest awhile out of the heat. He often chose times like these to teach, and so he began to speak. Soon, villagers heard about the visiting teacher and many gathered around to hear him.
While Buddha was speaking, one young man standing at the side was watching the crowd grew larger and larger. He then started shouting at Buddha “Go away! You just want to take advantage of us!
You, teachers, come here to say a few pretty words and then ask for food and money!” Buddha unheeded the man’s word and continued speaking.
The man got even more infuriated and went directly to ridicule Buddha, “You have no right to teach others. You are stupid and you are fake.”
But the Buddha was unruffled by these insults. He remained calm, exuding a feeling of loving-kindness. He politely requested the man to come forward.
Then he asked, “Young sir if you purchased a lovely gift for someone, but that person did not accept the gift, to whom does the gift then belong?”
The odd question took the young man by surprise. He took a moment and said, “I guess the gift would still be mine because I was the one who bought it.”
“Exactly so,” replied the Buddha. “Now, you have just cursed me and been angry with me. But if I do not accept your curses if I do not get insulted and angry in return, these curses will fall back upon you—the same as the gift returning to its owner.”
The young man clasped his hands together and slowly bowed to the Buddha. It was an acknowledgment that a valuable lesson had been learned.
And so the Buddha concluded for all to hear, “As a mirror reflects an object, as a still lake reflects the sky: take care that what you speak or act is for good. For goodness will always cast back goodness and harm will always cast back harm.”
From the story, we understand that on one side there is someone who is creating the energy of anger and on the other side, there is the person who is receiving the bad words, insults, injustice, and all such disturbing energies.
If you are on the receiver’s end, you have a choice of not allowing the other person’s anger to affect you. You choose not to get disturbed, hurt, shout back, or throw, or start crying.
However, the person who creates the energy of anger does not have the option of choice because he has already created it. He cannot alter it anymore.
With the awakening of what anger is, slowly you will realize that it would be wise not to create any anger energy as its vibration radiates in the environment.
The more it radiates, the lesser is the chance of a harmonious society and noticeably people start behaving in the degraded version of humanity.
In fact, it is the creator of negative energy who loses peace and well-being, but usually, people feel sorry about whom it is created.
There are various ways of handling anger:
Whenever anyone hurts you or makes you angry, pause for a while. Don’t jump to respond. Think, it as a balloon, and now it is your choice whether you would like to fill it with air or leave it as it is.
- If you anticipate any conflict, try to avoid it.
- First, try to calm yourself down and then find the opportune time to sit and resolve the issue with the person concerned
- Take a deep breath
- Listen to music
- Use affirmations for a deliberate effort in maintaining peace within yourself
- Talk to yourself and ask why this had to happen
- Explain to yourself what you learned
- Maybe a cool drink may change the mood too